From Tragedy, a New Purpose
Barbara Stoeffler never imagined how much her life could change as a result of one person’s poor choice.
On a warm afternoon in August 1973, her son, Mark, set out on a bike ride. The 16-year-old never returned. He was hit by a drunk driver on Coburg Rd. The collision sent Mark and his bike flying 60 feet through the air. He died almost instantly upon impact.
His death caused Stoeffler insurmountable pain. “It was extremely hard on our whole family. We couldn’t help each other because we were all mourning,” Stoeffler said.
Stoeffler is not alone in her agony. Across the nation, 11,773 people were killed in 2008 by drivers with blood alcohol levels above the legal limit of .08, according to the U.S. Department of Transportation’s National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA). In Oregon, there were 159 fatalities from drinking and driving accidents in 2008, according to the NHTSA.
Stoeffler channeled the anguish over the loss of her son by working to prevent others from suffering the same pain. In 1982, Stoeffler founded the Eugene chapter of Mothers Against Drunk Driving. She later became a chairperson on the Lane County Victim Impact Panel.
Before the accident, Stoeffler was active in the arts and music. She sang with her church choir as well as several groups in town, including Schola Cantorum. She was an active member of the community, and she helped start an “Arts in Schools” program in the early 1970’s.
Stoeffler had to quit singing after the loss of her son because she found she no longer had the time or the energy to attend rehearsals.
The effect of her son’s death not only prevented her from engaging in the activities she once loved, but it also made her want to push any thought of the incident as far from her mind as possible.
She found it too heart-wrenching to even think about the man who took her son away from her. “It was so painful. I didn’t keep track of him. I didn’t pay any attention at all to him,” Stoeffler said. Stoeffler eventually discovered that the man who hit her son was sentenced to five years in prison and released after 18 months.
It hadn’t exactly been Stoeffler’s initial wish to start a local chapter of MADD. It was nine years after the death of her son when the Eugene Traffic Safety Commission called her and asked her to come in for a meeting. They asked her to start a MADD chapter in Eugene, which, at first, Stoeffler was less than enthusiastic about.
“I didn’t want to. It’s really a major undertaking,” she said. Stoeffler left the meeting with a stack of materials; she spent the next week looking through the information before finally coming to her decision. She thought, “I’ll do it.”
When she first accepted the Eugene Traffic Safety Commission’s request, Stoeffler figured she would set-up and work with MADD for six months. But things didn’t quite go as planned; her commitment to the organization ended up lasting for 27 years.
Joining MADD changed Stoeffler’s life in many ways, both good and bad. “People stopped inviting us to parties. They felt like they couldn’t drink around my husband, Walt, and me. It changed our life a lot,” Stoeffler said.
Still, working with MADD led her to begin experiencing positive benefits. “It’s a growing experience. I have learned a great deal,” she said. “Hardly anyone else realizes what it’s like.”
Without the support of her neighbors, friends and family, Stoeffler said it would have been much more difficult to make it through her healing process.
“A support system is vital. If this happens to someone, if they don’t have a good support system, they should really reach out and try to find one,” Stoeffler said.
Today, Stoeffler and her husband are once again singing. She continues to grow her own fruits and vegetables at home and can her own food. She has found an outlet for her frustrations in gardening, which she said is one of her favorite pastimes.
A lot has changed since the death of Stoeffler’s son 36 years ago, both in drinking while driving laws and Stoeffler’s life. Drinking and driving penalties are, for example, now tougher than they were in the 1970s. And MADD, with the help of Stoeffler, wants to keep it that way.
“I think it’s important to be able to hold what we’ve attained,” Stoeffler said. “We have to make sure laws are not jeopardized.”
